Having marital troubles? Find out eight proven ways of how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless by reading this article.
Remember the day when you vowed to spend the rest of your life with your spouse, till deaths do you apart? Everything seems to be a distant memory now. No matter how you try, it appears that you and your partner no longer have that “magic” that made you so happy back in the day.
Now you fear that you’ll end up as another couple whose relationship ended in divorce.
I know the feeling, having been in a rocky relationship many times in the past. But fortunately, my spouse and I were able to work things out and save our marriage. We still argue every now and then, but our relationship has become stronger than before.
8 Ways of How to Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless
Of course, arguments are part of any relationship. Can anyone really claim that he hasn’t had any quarrel with his spouse?
So how did we do it? Here are eight proven ways of how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless. Let’s see to read these:
1. Listen to Your Spouse
The first rule in saving your marriage life is active listening. It involves more than just lending your ear to your partner and hearing out what she has to say. You have to give your complete concentration, give space to your spouse, and not interject your ideas and feelings at the wrong moment.
Listening to your partner means stopping whatever you’re doing. Look at her and make eye contact. This shows your willingness to listen. And when you lend her your ear, don’t interrupt or argue. Just listen to her.
2. Express Your Feelings
Aside from listening to your partner express her feelings, you should also be willing to share yours. Communication is a two-way avenue; it is ineffective if only one party is doing all the talking.
Of course, it is never easy to express your frustrations with the person closest to your heart. All the pain and anger may be holding you back. Negative feelings like resentment, bitterness, and disapproval may cause you to do more harm than good. Instead of repairing your rocky relationship, you could end up.
So how do you express your feelings without hurting your partner? Don’t exaggerate. Avoid using words like “always” and “never.”
Don’t use the word “you”. Instead, use the word “I” instead. Any criticism that begins with the word use usually introduces a deprecating comment. You’d end up just hurting your spouse instead of clearing things up.
Avoid generalizing. Instead, try to give examples. Be more specific, as vague and broad generalizations can only cause confusion and fuel the anger or disappointment both of you may have with each other.
Any couple who has had a happy relationship would tell you that part of that success is their willingness to compromise. When two people merge and share their lives, it is not only communication that enables them to stay happy together. Compromise plays a huge role, too.
A healthy compromise requires both parties to give up something. You’re not the only one required to do so. Before you ask your spouse to give up something, you also have to bring something to the table. This shows fairness, balance, and a willingness to make sacrifices.
Most of the time, saving a marriage depends largely on how much each party is willing to compromise. You should be open to the ideas and views of your partner the same way that she is open to yours.
There are things that you have to remember when compromising. One, don’t make any compromise when you are angry or upset. Hold any discussion about compromises only when both of you are calm.
You should also know what your non-negotiables are before making any compromise. Do you feel you can’t give up a scholarship grant? Or a job offer you just can’t turn down? Knowing what things you are not flexible on should make it easier for you to make compromises.
You should also learn to listen and respect to things that are important or non-negotiable with your partner.
4. Stop Pointing Fingers
One of the best ways to save your marriage is to stop blaming your partner. Pointing the finger at her will not help at all, and further worsen the disconnection between you and her.
There’s an old cliché that goes “it takes two to tango.” The adage is true in the breakdown of any relationship. It is very uncommon for a relationship to collapse because of the wrongdoing of one person. Both parties in a marriage have their shortcomings, and ultimately responsible for their breakup.
5. Spend Some ‘Me Time’
In some instance, it will be a great idea to spend some time away from your wife. This would let you and hear organize your thoughts and feelings. You may not realize it, but taking a break in a relationship may just be what the doctor ordered to save your marriage.
If your marriage has caused you a lot of stress, then you might want to leave your home for a few weeks or so. Spend time away from each other so you can reevaluate your feelings towards her, and think of what you are willing to do in order to save your relationship.
Your wife may also find the time beneficial as it can give her enough breathing space. In the end, you may realize that no matter how difficult your marriage has turned out, you’d still want to be with her at the end of the day.
6. Forgive and Forget
Your relationship may not be moving forward because you continue to hold onto the past wrongdoings of your partner. Think about it. Everyone makes mistakes. Yet learning how to forgive the mistakes of your partner will pay a lot of dividends in your effort to save a marriage.
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that digging up past issues will not resolve anything. It will only hurt your partner. Give your partner a clean slate, so to speak, and you’ll see your relationship flourish. Don’t remind her of past slights, whether it is real or not.
7. Find A Common Goal
Another way of saving a marriage from divorce is finding a common goal. Think about a dream that you’ve always shared with your spouse, like sending your children to Harvard or playing with your grandchildren someday. Then remind your spouse about that dream, and encourage her that you two should continue pursuing that dream.
Set short-term and long-term goals. Ask yourselves what you want to achieve in 2, 5, or 10 years. Setting goals for your marriage can increase your chances of making your relationship happy and fulfilling.
8. Be Kind to Her
Simply put, you can’t expect to save a relationship that is on the rocks when you continue to call her names, or say bad things behind her back. Your actions toward your partner can affect your attempt to save your marriage life.
Be kind to her. Random acts of kindness like giving her gifts, preparing her breakfast, and even fetching her from the office would go a long way. Kindness is the foundation of a relationship, and one anchor you should learn on when saving a marriage.
I hope this how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless article can help you to enjoy your marital life.
There you have it, eight simple yet effective ways of winning back the love of your live and saving your married life. Be sure to start doing these things now so that you can fix your marriage and save whatever is left of it.